PLEASE NOTE: DUE TO MY MOVE TO GEORGIA, ITEMS ARE NOT AVAILABLE FOR SALE. I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE. THANK YOU!

Once a respected milkman, Bruce found himself unemployed after his livestock disappeared.  Ruby hired him to work for the town by walking around in a cow suit and keeping things udder-ly entertaining.  He is very good natured even though he hears so many ridi"cud"lous cow jokes from his pals.  It's beleived that Bruce was the only one who thought out loud that it was a bad idea for the government to bury toxic waste in Coonerville.  But he didn't question the mayor's authority over such matters.  When people drive through town, they see Bruce in the cow suit and think there's nothing wrong with the place.  That's Ruby's theory, anyway.
 
 

He is definitely one of the town's people who will stand out in a crowd due to his hair.  Ruby, the mayor, had let the government
bury toxic waste in the limestone quarry by Miller's Creek, Coonerville's main water supply.  Her idea was that the radiation would turn the creek into a "natural" hot spring which would, in turn, start a tourism industry.  Instead, a waist high fog covered the town and people started to lose their hair.  Ruby, who is authority abd should never be questioned, told people not to worry about it.  Danny, who had been voted "Most Likely to Get His Hair Caught in a Thresher" in high school, did not handle his hair loss well.  On Ruby's advice, he ordered a black, furry toilet seat cover from the Sears catalog.  (It came with a free "i'm an American Standard" t-shirt.)  He's full of annoyingly useless facts, such as the mating habits of vegetables.  But he is the best mechanic in town.  Because people made fun of his "hair," it's rumored that he's somehow responsible for the decline of women, children, and animals in the population.  Ruby says this is just a rumor.

This pillar of the community is, unfortunately, a widow.  Her husband Fred, a former pig farmer, is rumored to have fallen into the limestone quarry on the coldest day of the year and broken into a thousand little pieces.  Because his head apparently stayed intact, Ruby is said to have preserved their marriage by canning his head and freezing his little bits.  Ruby is famous for her stew with its secret ingredient and her apple pie with its perfectly ridged crust.  Both cause raves among people who visit her for supper.  Along with her mayoral duties, she also teaches Sunday school, grade school, and high school when there are kids... who need her.  She will often help out in the local businesses to make sure things are running smoothly.

Ruby says that Simone is "a little touched" and many others wonder if she is on some sort of medication.  Simone spends her time sculpting little people and creating an elaborate story to go along with her characters.  The way she talks about her people make them seem very real.  At least to her.  Though the townspeople think she is strange, they seem amused by her stories.